Here and Now
by one-moondance
Summary: Bella was friends with Edward when he was human. He loved her with all his heart, though she never knew. Before he could propose, the influenza "took his life." What will he do when the new student at Forks High is none other than Isabella Swan? All Vamp
1. Chapter 1

**Alrighty, so I've decided that I need to let some creative energy loose. The concept for this story is a bit iffy as of right now but I'm sure it will develop into something more concrete as time goes on. **

**Here's the gist of the story: Edward and Bella were childhood friends when he was human. They were exceptionally close and Edward had planned on proposing to her – even though they were not officially in a relationship – because he knew he loved her. Sadly, Edward never got the chance because of the influenza that "took his life." Edward has come to terms with whatever death she may have faced, knowing that she is long gone, and he just has to get over her. Well what happens when the new girl at Forks High is none other than Isabella Swan – what happened? Who changed her? What will Edward do when he sees her again? **

**BTW: Renee and Charlie don't exist in this story – they died in 1918 along with Edward's parents from the influenza.**

**No copyright infringement intended. SM owns all, I own nothing. **

**BPOV**

_Deep breath Bells. Remember your story._

I mentally went through my list again in my head. Books? Check. Money for, ew, lunch? Check. Backstory? Check. Cloudy day? Most definitely, check. I knew I would rarely have to worry about sunny days in this town. After all, that's why I picked it. Forks, Washington – miniscule, surrounded by forest, and overcast 350 days of the year – the ideal for any vampire trying to blend in and be a little more... human.

As I made my way downstairs, I took the time to admire my new home. It really was very pretty, but also welcoming. The colors of the walls were bright and alive – blues and greens and soft plums. Squashy couches that never would serve a purpose, a sleek black baby grand piano that I had yet to touch, a full kitchen so I could cook – something I still loved to do regardless of the fact that I would never consume anything I made. Beyond my house there was a small pond, filled with brightly colored fish and plants. Everything looked so peaceful, so at ease, so comforting and serene. I wanted my house to look like someone happy and pure of soul lived there. I am far from pure of soul – my actions in the past are not something to be looked upon with a faint heart, but I believe that if I try to live my life in a more positive manner, maybe I can be forgiven for the terrible things I have done, maybe I can truly be happy.

Before I leave, I make a stop at the mantel above the fireplace. Along with paintings and works of art, there stands one small frame with an even smaller picture inside, withered and worn from touch and time. I was laughing so hard that I wasn't even looking at the camera when the photo was taken. He, however, was staring straight into the lens, his green eyes piercing and deep, full of life and joy. The sharp lines of his jaw were prominent and his smile shone brighter than the sun. His copper hair, always in a constant state of disarray, was blowing every which way in the wind. A smaller version of the picture is hanging around my neck, encased in the locket he gave me for my 16th birthday. Problem is, I can't open the locket without fear of breaking it. I had lost the key, along with the rest of my mementos, during those dark years – I was stripped of my memories, and given new, harsh ones in return. My kind may not scar physically, but the mental injuries are difficult to heal.

He had the spare key, just in case I lost my own. But that point's moot now. Edward Masen, my best friend, the man I loved but was too afraid to tell, is gone forever. He was and is the only one that can make me truly happy. No amount of cheerful colors and comfortable couches can change that. When he died, my heart died with him.

**EPOV**

I was almost done, just one last box to go. Cleaning my room had been my "mother," Esme's idea, but it was proving to be cathartic and cleansing. My room had been just shy of a war zone for weeks – papers and books littering the floor, records and CDs covering every inch of my leather couch, boxes of useless junk taking up space in my closet – clearing every unneeded item out of my life felt good, detoxifying even, after a particularly stressful few weeks.

This box, however, made me feel anxious. How long has it been since I've looked through the contents of this particular box? Even the box itself tugged at my dead heart. Hand carved with precision and care. Carvings of vines and flowers and patterns adorned the box – bringing back memories I wasn't ready for. She made this for me, for my 17th birthday. She worked on it for months, she said, wanting to give me something that served a purpose, so that I would always have a need for it in my life. Her clumsy hands worked day and night on this, to make it as perfect as possible, but the imperfections were what I loved the most – those little mistakes made it _her_ gift for _me_. No one else would ever have this exact box – it was unique.

As I opened it up, the onslaught of memories hit me like a sentimental wrecking ball, knocking the wind right out of me. My mother's wedding ring, my father's pocket watch, newspaper clippings – mostly about the war, and one small key wrapped in a velvet cloth. This little key held so many memories, so many regrets - it was almost unbearable. The key to her locket, the one I gave her for her 16th birthday, with our favorite picture inside. I still remember that picture. We were in the center of Grant Park – her favorite park in Chicago, when a photographer snapped a picture of us. She was laughing the entire time after a particularly aggressive duck tried to attack me, but I was looking straight at the camera, wanting to convey just how much I loved the woman beside me. I made my mind up that day that I was going to propose to her on her 17th birthday, a few months away. I went home that day and told my mother my plan, she was overjoyed and immediately handed me her wedding ring, instructing me to give it to Bella – the love of my life.

That day never came. Carlisle saved me a month before her birthday, and while I know that even if he didn't change me, I still wouldn't have been alive to propose, I now live with that regret every day of my existence. Carlisle is the only one who knows about Bella, that she was my best friend. After he changed Rosalie and soon realized that we would never love each other the way he had hoped, I told him my heart would always belong to Bella. No one else in the family knows about her – there's really no need to bring up the past, especially when it hurts this much to even think about her. I hope she lived a full life, but I can never truly be happy without Isabella Swan by my side.

"Edward! It's time to go! Get your ass down here!" my loving, and exceedingly patient brother, Emmett, yelled, snapping me out of my memories. As I put the contents of the box away, I came to the conclusion that while I knew I would never again find love, I hoped Bella had – and I hoped that she didn't change from the happy woman she was when I knew her – I hoped her soul was never tarnished.

**Okie dokie, so how did I do? I know I'm far from a brilliant writer, but I hoped it wasn't too bad! Please R&R! I will respond to every one I get (as long as it's not anonymous). I love suggestions and questions! **

**XOXO**

**Oh and btw, I am envisioning this story to have lemons at some point – and Bella has gone through things that require a Mature rating so you guys are warned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I was blown away by how many people read this story within hours of me posting it! Over 500 people in 3 hours! You guys are great, thanks a billion for the reviews! And to answer a few that I couldn't respond to personally, because a few of you disabled your PM capabilities – I will be updating every few days for at least a month. After that, I start school so it will probably be weekly or bi weekly.**

**Song fueling this chapter: 20 years by The Civil Wars**

**Here and Now**

**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

As I step outside, I take a moment to calm myself. I don't feel frantic or stressed, but sadness really messes with a person after a while – especially sadness fueled by regrets. Regrets that I never told Edward how I felt; that I didn't spend every minute of every day with him; that I will live forever and he never got past 17. But today is a new day, and I must look forward, not back.

I get in to my car, a charcoal grey Audi TT. I've never been one for material possessions – not since my most treasured ones were taken from me, but I have a soft spot in my heart for cars. I love the speed and exhilaration of running, but a car gives you a different kind of adrenaline rush – it's almost sultry the way a beautiful car makes you feel when you're driving it, it makes you feel powerful and alluring. I know my physical appearance does the same thing – meant to lure in my _prey_, but the feeling I get from driving my car doesn't remind me its purpose is to kill. My car does not identify me as a killer, my appearance does.

I drive through the winding forest paths that lead to the main road from my house. Even if I designed my home to be welcoming, that doesn't mean I'm going to welcome others into it, so I rather my place be concealed from the prying eyes of the Forks citizens, until I'm ready to integrate myself into their society. I can't stand being forced to do something I'm not ready to do – I was forced into things for over 50 years, I'm not willing to go back to that.

As I pull into the crowded parking lot of Forks High School, I know everyone is staring at my car. After all, this town isn't known for its extreme wealth, and my high-end car sticks out like a sore thumb. Honestly though, I don't mind if they stare at my car – I'm not willing to give it up, but I hope I don't stick out as much as my vehicle, though experience has taught me that I will. _Deep breath Bells. Here goes..._

**EPOV**

I quickly put Bella's box back in my closet, concealing it among other mementos from my human life. I tried to collect myself as best I could but when I get downstairs, Alice, my sweet, energetic sister, gives me a concerned look.

"Edward? My god your eyes are pitch black. When was the last time you hunted?"

"Uh, yesterday?" I said, a little worried that Alice was colorblind all of a sudden.

"That's impossible! Your eyes are darker than I've ever seen them! You need to hunt ASAP!" She really did look worried, so I checked my eyes in the mirror. Wow, they were black.

"Emmett? Take everyone to school in the Jeep, I need to hunt. I'll be there before lunch ends."

"Yea sure bro."

_**Edward, you want me to come with you? **_Jasper thought to me. I shook my head just slightly so he'd know that I was okay, without tipping off the interfering pixie by his side. He knew something was up, only severe emotions can drain the blood out of us that quickly – Jasper must have felt my overbearing sadness and regret. I wish he didn't – it wasn't his burden to bear.

As my siblings pulled out of the garage, I sprinted towards the forest behind our home. Giving myself over to my instincts was exactly what I needed. It cleared my mind in a way, allowed me to focus on one thing, and one thing only. My family is used to me being less than cheery most of the time, but I owe it to them to not be catatonically depressed, they don't deserve that. Carlisle already had to see that once, and it broke his heart. I couldn't open Bella's box again – it would be my undoing.

**JASPER POV**

As we pulled into the parking lot in Emmett's Jeep, my mind was still focused on Edward. He looked worse than I've ever seen him this morning, like the soul had been sucked right out of him. Rosalie said that she had seen Edward depressed before – she and Emmett had known him longer than Alice and I – but never like that. You know it's bad when even _Rosalie_ is worried about him.

"Edward will be fine Jazz, he's been through things that he's never told anyone, that much I know. But he's also one of the strongest people I've ever met. If he needs help, he won't ask for it, but we will know if we need to step in. For right now, I think it's best just to let him be. I don't think any of us could help him if we tried, we can't do anything for him but be there if he needs us," Alice looked up at me and squeezed my hand. She's my strength in times of worry and hurt, I don't know what I'd do without her.

The entire school was buzzing with news of the new girl, Isabella Swan. From what we overheard, she was one of us. Some people thought that she was related to us because of her golden eyes, but most were just excited to have someone new in the mix. Teenage humans can be so transparent. Every guy was planning his pick up line; all the girls were figuring out a way to get her into their group.

I was sitting in my first period Spanish class when she walked in, handed the teacher a slip, and sat down next to me at the back of the class.

"Well I never thought I'd see the day. Four vegetarians just happen to be attending the high school I decide to enroll in," she whispered with a smirk. We talked so quickly that we never had to worry about humans hearing our conversations, there was no way they could pick up on it.

"Hah, yep, it's quite a coincidence. We were all just as shocked to find that the new girl was one of us. I'm Jasper by the way, Jasper Hale," I replied, shaking her hand.

"Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella," her voice was warm, but when I shook her hand, I could tell that she had dealt with some demons in her past, and that some still haunted her. This girl had been through a lot, it changed her.

**Alrighty so how was that? I know I know, you guys are probably a little peeved that they didn't meet yet. Trust me, I have a plan. R&R please! The more reviews = happier writer = more updates!**

**xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey hey hey. Thank you guys so much for your wonderful reviews! They really drive me to write more and update quicker. Ok so this is the chapter you have been waiting for! Well part one at least. **

**Song fueling this chapter: Falling by Florence + The Machine**

**Here and Now**

**Chapter 3**

**EPOV**

I don't know how long I've been sitting here. I've just gotten lost in my head. Hunting can only distract you for so long before other things take over. Opening Bella's box was a mistake. Yes, I loved her and I always will, but opening her gift has rewarded me with nothing but debilitating depression. I'll start heading back to the house to clean up and she will invade my thoughts, and all of a sudden, I don't feel okay anymore. I'll have to go back to the forest to hunt again, because I'm sure my eyes have changed back to black. I've done this four times now. I can't seem to get out of this vicious cycle. Maybe what I really need to do is to stop pushing her out of my mind – skip school today and just let her occupy my thoughts for a day – not that she isn't always in the back of my mind every day. I need to stop avoiding her and just let it take over. Maybe that is what I need to really get over it. I text Alice telling her that I'm just going to stay home today and finish cleaning my room. She texts me back saying ok – but that she has to tell me _something_ when they get home. Seriously? And they call _me_ the cryptic one.

My "brilliant" plan, however, seems to be making matters worse. I sit on my floor for an hour – feeling like I just might die, for real, right then and there. The pain is too much – worse than my change a thousand times over. What was I thinking? I can't let Bella consume my thoughts; it won't do any good at all.

I need to clear my mind – I need to play. I walk downstairs to where my beautiful piano sits. I need to let this depression go once and for all; I need to release this energy in the most cathartic way possible. Music gives me that outlet that I so desperately need. I sit down and begin to play something new. Something powerful. Something heartbreaking. But everything I play keeps on morphing itself into one song, a song I haven't played since I was human. My hands seem to have a mind of their own. No matter what song I start out playing, it keeps on changing, transforming – into _her _song. Bella's lullaby.

**BPOV**

I really like Jasper. He's sweet and funny – but he's also intelligent, the kind of intelligence one only gains from experience. I asked about his three other siblings – Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie, I learned. He told me a little about each one but said that I should get to know them myself – and I intend to do just that. He said he also had another brother – who was coming to school during lunch, Edward. When he said the name, it really killed me. I was lucky that as the years have passed, the names that were common during the 1910s fell out of favor. They were rarely used anymore, and that lessened the blow, because it wasn't often that I had to be surrounded by people with the same names as my deceased loved ones. But with vampires, you never can tell because they have been around for so long that their names are often considered "old fashioned" as well. I instantly stopped asking Jasper about his siblings, saying I'd talk to them more at lunch, afraid that he might say _his_ name again, and I really couldn't deal with that after the morning I've had.

When lunch came around, it was easy to spot the Cullens / Hales. They were just like me, sticking out like a sore thumb. I quickly sat down before any of the humans tried to recruit me to their table – I was not in the mood to deal with trivial human chit chat. Jasper greeted me enthusiastically and introduced me to his siblings.

I was instantly struck by how magnificently beautiful Rosalie was. She resembled a work of art – perfect proportions, long luminous blonde hair, eyes that could either be soft and sweet, or cut like knives. You could tell that she had always relied on her beauty – even in her human life, but that she was also smart and protective of her family – she was someone you'd want on your side.

Emmett was quite possibly the largest vampire I've ever come across. If you just took a quick look at him, you'd be terrified by his massive size and muscular physique, but if you took but one second to hear him speak, you'd know he was a sweetheart. This man may look intimidating, and I bet he can be when he wants to, but he's such a fun person –always making jokes and lightening the mood. I liked him instantly.

Sitting next to Jasper, well rather _bouncing_ next to Jasper, was a pixie of some sort. Alice had this life in her eyes that you knew had come from hardships, terrifying hardships. She was energetic to a fault, always wanting to help everyone and fix everything. But I think that's also a clairvoyant's personality, wanting to change things for the better before they happen. When she told me about her ability – I was stunned that the Volturi hadn't tried to recruit her – and Jasper for that matter. Both immensely talented vampires. Aro must be very distraught with this "waste" of ability. Not being able to have these two in his guard, not being able to order them to cause destruction and death. I liked them even more after that, knowing they were loyal to their "family" and didn't care one bit about power.

I learned that Edward had decided to stay home today – to finish a project he had been working on or something. But I would meet him soon enough, I had agreed to meet the Cullens back at their house after school. I told them I would be there around seven, I wanted to get some things in order at my house first. The bell rang, and I made my way to Biology.

When I got back to my house, I knew I needed to collect myself. The first day of school is always trying for me. Being surrounded by that many mouth-watering humans is always a shock to my senses, and my instincts. I was sure that I'd need to hunt, that my throat would be dry, my eyes a dark amber, but I was pleasantly surprised when I looked in the mirror – my eyes were still a bright gold, my throat didn't even hurt. Well maybe I'm finally developing a little more control! It's about time anyways. I told the Cullens I'd be at their house at seven, expecting to have to go hunting beforehand, but now I had four hours to kill – and I really wanted to spend some time with them, so I decided to head over early.

As I made my way up the drive to the Cullen house, I realized they weren't there – no voices shouting or movements to be heard. I was about to turn back and call Jasper when I heard something that I hadn't heard since I was human.

My lullaby. He had written it for me – saying I inspired him to play something new – my soul embodied in a song. He was the only one who knew it.

I burst through the front door to find _him_ sitting at a piano, pouring his soul onto the keys in front of him. I was frozen. I couldn't move my feet; I couldn't speak. I could only stare at the man before me – Edward Anthony Masen, my best friend, the love of my life.

**EPOV**

Alice had informed me that she and the rest of my siblings were going to go hunting for a few hours after school. I didn't mind – I was actually happy for more time to myself. I had been playing Bella's lullaby for hours, and it felt _amazing_, like I was ridding myself of my depression by pouring my soul onto the keys in front of me. I was in a trance. I wasn't listening to anything but the music coming out of the piano. The front door slammed open all of a sudden, and it took me a moment to look up from the keys. I heard a deep inhale of breath and turned my head towards the direction of my intruder.

There, standing before me, was _her_, immobile, mouth agape, eyes imploring and full of hope and confusion. I couldn't move; I could only stare at the vision, the angel in front of me – Isabella Marie Swan, my best friend, the love of my life.

**So I know that I didn't include what happens next but I haven't quite figured that one out yet – I've got this weird plan in my head but it's proving difficult to translate into writing. Baby steps! The next chapter – with all the juicy goodness and heart wrenching moments – will be up by Wednesday at the latest (most likely Tuesday). **

**Did you guys like it? Any suggestions? I'm all ears! R&R!**

**xoxo **


	4. author's note

**FIRST OFF, LET ME SAY THAT I COMPLETELY SUCK.** I haven't updated in 8 months. I know you guys don't want to read some long stupid apology so let me just tell you this – I got crazy busy with college life and left a lot of things by the wayside. But I'm starting to realize how much writing helped me de-stress so I'm starting up again! I will be writing the next chapter of **Here and Now** tonight and it will be uploaded TONIGHT. Just wanted to let you all know so you can be ready for an EPIC chapter.

Thanks for all of you that stayed with me even though I've been a negligent jerk face.

xoxo

Blake


	5. OMG NEW CHAPTER 4!

**HERE IT IS!** Again, I'm sorry for taking this long to start writing again. I don't know how to apologize in a better way than to give you all a brand spankin new chapter!

**SM OWNS ALL.**

This chapter is meant to be super emotional and heart-wrenching so we need a song that fuels that type of emotion right? Right.

**Song fueling this chapter: Shattered by O.A.R.**

**Here and Now**

**Chapter 4**

**BPOV**

I. Cannot. Move. Can vampires hyperventilate? I'm aware that I'm not breathing, but I somehow feel as if I'm breathing too hard at the same time. I must have officially gone crazy – it's finally happened; I've lost it. I thought I was past all of these hallucinations. They haven't haunted me for at least a decade. Why now? Why must I be tormented again by my past – a past I had no control over.

_But you did have control._ My thoughts are flooded with regret and guilt. I've told myself time and time again that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. But then, how could this be happening? If my subconscious isn't trying to break through, how can I be regressing back into my twisted hallucinations?

The images that plagued me ever since I escaped that wicked place started out as a defense mechanism. My vampire brain was stronger than my human one, which also meant that it was a hell of a lot better at repressing things it didn't want me to experience. The delusions were its way of coping – of protecting me from my past. But over the last 50 years or so, since I managed to escape those demons who kept me captive, I've worked my hardest to break my mind down – to allow myself to relive my terrifying past. The hallucinations were nice, but as soon as I gave in to them, I would become catatonic almost – a mere shell of the person I knew I still could be. They would destroy me, because when the illusion was shattered, I wouldn't be ready for it, I'd still be living in the fantasy world I'd let myself get lost in. But in delusions, when you get lost, you rarely want to be found. When I would be forced to face the real world, I wouldn't be able to deal with it, and I'd revert back into myself, where the process would start all over again.

20 years. 20 years I spent in that hell.

50 years. It took me 50 years, after I escaped, to stop the delusions from appearing – to put an end to the fantasy world my mind tried so desperately to keep me in.

10 years. 10 years I've been without those illusions – the ones that would reduce me to the bare minimum of who I was. 10 years that I've been free to truly try and live this new life.

But I'm not expecting this. _He_ has never been a part of my visions – somehow, I think my mind knew that certain things were still off limits, even when constructing a fantasy world. A day has not gone by when I do not think about him, but as soon as the crazy started, he would vanish – another reason to end my delusions and face the world I was living in. It seemed my mind would only allow me to think of him if I was coherent enough to think about the real world. He was the prize my mind created for me, an incentive to ultimately refuse the fantasy. Even though it hurt more than I can describe, it also felt somewhat healing to think of him. Knowing that he isn't suffering from the influenza anymore. I always knew he'd end up in heaven. My bittersweet angel.

So how is he here then? Edward is unable to step into my hallucinations – my mind won't let it happen, so is he really here? What if… What if it isn't a delusion? What if my best friend, the man who will always hold my heart in his tender hands, is truly right in front of me, playing my lullaby with all the care and beauty I've longed for? It couldn't hurt right? To believe? I am a vampire after all, crazier things can happen right?

I'm aware of him looking at me, no, staring at me, his eyes piercing right into where my soul should be. I feel completely disconnected from my body – I can't move my fingers, my arms, my legs, my feet – I'm stuck. I'm stuck staring back at him, his amber eyes morphing into a dark ocher until they are completely pitch black. His eyes draw me in until I feel my right foot move but a tiny centimeter towards him.

_SNAP OUT OF IT BELLA! RUN!_

I turn and run faster than I ever have before – faster than when I ran from _them_. I would willingly run straight into the malicious arms of my dark bleak past at this moment, so long as it was far away from him. Because it wasn't really Edward. My mind has decided to step it up a couple notches – trying to catapult me into full-blown psychosis.

**EPOV**

This. Cannot. Be. Happening. Isabella Marie Swan cannot be here, standing 10 feet away from me. It's not possible. And yet, here she is. I can't move, I'm stuck staring into her endlessly deep eyes. I'm lost in them. Her mind seems to be running a million miles a minute, her face plastered with shock, then confusion, then happiness, and finally, as she takes a minute step toward my still frozen form, determination. Then she's gone.

**Okay soooooo, how'd I do? I know you guys wanted more than that but honestly? I just wanted to give you guys something to reestablish your faith in me as a writer… the next part should be up shortly (within the next few days). I'm kind of on a roll so maybe I'll even finish chapter 5 tonight and post it tonight as well! **

**I'm not always the most creative person, and often times, it takes me a while to muster up the courage to try to write. But once I do start writing, the ideas and words flow through me without any trouble, but I always have trouble getting started. You know what helps? ****REVIEWS! ****Reviews are super awesomesauce and they make me want to write more because who doesn't want to do something again if a bunch of people tell them that they're great at it? Exactly. **

**PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE READ AND ****REVIEW****!**

**Until next time, **

**xoxo**

**Blake**


	6. Chapter 5 YAY!

**Alrighty then! Chapter 4 is uploaded! I don't know if you guys know this but I won't start writing until I find the PERFECT song that absolutely embodies the feel of the chapter I want to write. Well, shuffling through my itunes, I found the epitomic song for this chapter! It's so perfect, it makes me want to write right away!**

**Here goes…**

**Song fueling this chapter: ****My Body Is A Cage**** by Arcade Fire**

**SM OWNS ALL**

**Here and Now**

**Chapter 5**

**EPOV**

I have no idea if this is Bella or not, even though it looks just like her – how could it be her? If anything, Bella would be an old lady on her last legs (though that's not something I'd ever want to think about). There's absolutely no way it could be her – but then again, there's absolutely no way any vampire could look like Bella. She was one of a kind, the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, and I live with Rosalie. The idea that my beautiful best friend could ever be turned into a vampire is beyond my comprehension – a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I would give anything and everything to spend eternity with her. A curse because someone so pure of heart and sound of mind should never be subjected to the monstrous lifestyle led by a vampire, even the lifestyle of us "vegetarians." All these questions running through my mind, and I don't know the answer to any of them. But one thing I know for certain is that she is NOT getting away from me.

With that, I sprint out of the house, flipping the piano bench over in my haste. All I can think about is this mysterious creature – if she runs away, if I lose her, then I'll never know. I can't live with that kind of uncertainty. It's more than enough to drive me mad. Hell, just the memory of Bella is enough to drive me mad. I try to pinpoint her direction. Every vampire has a scent, and it's not difficult to track, even if you've never come across it – every vampire is unique in that way. I pick up a hint of freesias and lavender and head in its direction, desperately blocking out the onslaught of emotion I feel from smelling her familiar scent. Bella always smelled like freesias and lavender, it was so calming to lay next to her on the grass in the park and breath in her blissful aroma. Now, as a vampire, it's intensified tenfold. The more I run, the more I believe that _this is Bella_. It just has to be. I can't lose her. I have to run faster. I know it's completely crazy, but I can't shake the feeling that if I don't find her now, she'll be gone forever. I CANNOT LOSE HER.

**BPOV**

My legs are propelling me forward. I'm not even aware of where I am or for how long I've been running. All I can think about is staying in this world and not giving into my fantasy world. If I give in, I'm done for. I have to lose him, this evil delusion, if I don't, I fear I'll never be sane again. I MUST LOSE HIM.

I stop for a moment to clear my head, collect my thoughts, and take in my surroundings. I must be somewhere in southern Canada. I look around a bit and come across some old weathered hiking signs. I'm just outside of Whistler, which explains the incredibly dense evergreen forest I'm currently in the middle of. I know I didn't need to run as far as I did, after all, my delusions don't follow me if I choose to leave them. I just had to get out of there. It felt like the only way to refuse my mind's plea to enter the fantasy was to completely run away from it – to put it behind me, far behind me. I sit at the base of a giant evergreen and take in the fresh mountain air, the sound of the water in the nearby river, the wildlife scurrying about, still unaware that the deadliest predator has just arrived. Soon enough, however, the animals have run, sensing me and my threatening nature. I don't mind anymore, the animals are just protecting themselves, acting on the instincts that have kept them alive for thousands of years.

I close my eyes and try to sort out what just happened. I saw a vision of Edward, an impeccable vampiric vision of my very best friend. I still can't understand why my mind decided that I should start hallucinating again. I've been without my visions for the last 10 years. Why would they reappear? Could it be because of the Cullens? I don't see how or why – it's not as if I've never spent time with other vampires. I've even come across a coven in Denali, Alaska who were vegetarians as well, though I never actually met them; I saw one of them, a statuesque strawberry blond, hunt a herd of deer. She sensed my presence but I ran before she could make heads or tails of anything. No, the Cullens couldn't be the reason. Could it be Jasper mentioning a "brother" named Edward? It shouldn't make a difference. I've met other Edwards in my time. Why then? Why would my mind revert so harshly and without warning or reason? I didn't even feel like I usually did when I was going through those 50 years of fighting my delusions. I felt level headed and calm, completely in control. Hopefully it was just a slip up. Hopefully my mind is now aware that it still can't win – that I will always refuse the fictional in favor of reality.

I worry that I won't be able to go back to Forks, however. At least not for a few days, until I know for sure that my mind is under control – that it won't rebel again. I liked the Cullens, I don't want to leave them behind like I do everyone else. They feel different to me, I feel more at home surrounded by them, even though I barely know them. I haven't even met Carlisle or Esme yet. Jasper didn't tell me much about them, just that Esme was very nurturing and enjoyed acting as a mother of the household while Carlisle was a doctor at the local hospital (though I'd have to ask him how he managed that much control all the time – it was amazing to even think about).

Then there's also the other problem. Edward Anthony Mason is now stuck in my head. I can't seem to stop thinking about him, about all the wonderful times we had together. About how much I need to see him right now. I know exactly what he'd say too. He'd tell me to go back and face my fears head on, to fight for my sanity, and to never give up on living the life I know I can live. He would tell me to stop obsessing over something that is in the past, because it cannot be changed. Edward was always the one who told me to stop apologizing for everything. He told me to never regret anything, to say yes to every opportunity, and to go out and find adventure. He was so ready to fight in the war and it tore me to pieces every time I thought about it, thought about him leaving and being killed in battle. He always assured me that he wouldn't get hurt, and that he'd come back as a war hero, someone his father might respect a little more than he did at the time. Edward and his father never really got along, which is a big part of why he wanted to leave for the war, to get away from Edward Sr., to prove to his father that he was a man.

God, how I miss him. I miss his determination, his generous nature, his kind eyes that almost seemed to read your thoughts, though he always found it hard to anticipate my thoughts and actions. He was always so good at judging people; he seemed to know what they were going to do or say before they did. Then I came along and tripped him up a bit – he was constantly surprised by me, which proved for an entertaining friendship. I smile as I sink deeper into my blissful thoughts and memories – these are the ones I don't mind getting lost in, so long as I remember that they are in the past.

I'm so entranced in my memories that it takes me a moment to realize that I am no longer alone. Someone is here with me, a vampire. I hate the feeling of being followed, it reminds me of those 20 dark years in Italy, and the subsequent 50 when I was constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for them to come find me. But as I sense the mood, I don't feel threatened at all by my intruder. It's times like these that I thank my strange ability.

I'm sort of a sponge / shield. I have a mental shield that prevents others with mental abilities to affect me, unless I allow them to, which is incredibly difficult. But I also have this ability to soak up bits and pieces of other's abilities – not so much so that they could be considered supernatural "extra" abilities per say, but enough to give me an edge. It's almost like I get the vampire's ability at the strength it was when they were human, enough to foreshadow an ability if they were changed. It also works with humans – making me kind of good at multiple things, but never great at any one skill. When I met Jasper, I was able to sense the general emotional atmosphere of those around me, which will prove quite useful I should think.

My intruder is concerned, confused, and wary. He's perched in a tree to my left, no doubt staring down at me, wondering if I'm conscious. I'm very good at keeping still, more so than your average vampire. I learned how to look unconscious during that dark time, it helped somewhat. At last, I open my eyes at the same moment my intruder drops to the ground. We lock eyes instantly, and again, I feel trapped. Okay, this seriously cannot be happening. This is obviously not an illusion, but it can't be Edward either. It just can't be. Impossible.

**EPOV**

I find her in the evergreen forest of Whistler. She's propped up against a tree trunk, her eyes closed, her face serene. She looks almost unconscious. Is that even possible for vampires? I've seen Kate knock a vampire out once with her ability, but that only lasted a second or two, if that. I drop from my perch in the tree. As my feet gracefully hit the damp earth, she opens her eyes. I'm crouched on the ground, staring, into the golden eyes of this creature. And again, I can't seem to move. She takes a breath and gasps, her eyes becoming even bigger. As she breathes out, I am accosted with her scent and I know for a fact that this creature is Isabella Swan.

"Bella," I ask. Her face changes to shock, then to fear. I worry she will flee again so I grab her still form and hold her against me with all my might. I don't know what else to do. I can't let her run away again.

She turns her head so her lips are on my ear. She whispers, "you can't be real. It's impossible. You died in 1918. I went to your funeral." She's shaking violently now, her whole body trembling with emotion – her eyes filling with tears that can never be shed.

I loosen my grip on her only enough to face her straight on and say, "It looks like we've got some catching up to do."

**Soooooo yeah. This chapter was super intense as I was writing it, probably due to me listening to My Body Is A Cage on endless repeat throughout the entire process. I hope you guys like it! And please review! So many people have read chapter 4 and only 2 of you reviewed! So thank you to those who reviewed . And to the rest of you, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Thank you! **

**xoxo **

**Blake**


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